“It is not by passing exams, I have seen first class graduates working for drop outs”. My university colleague said after I told my friend about my results and the commendation I received from a Professor.

No, I was not talking to her. I was just really excited at the academic validation my 200Level results gave and my extroverted personality could not contain its joy, so likes bubbles, I floated in its goodness and relished the moment until she decided to burst it. And failed.

Like me, you may have experienced something similar.

The bitterness of unmet hopes being displaced on you without warning. Because, you see, nobody with a 4+ point CGPA spews that level of vitriol. It’s always the withdrawal list family. Sadly, she was on it.

The second time I watched it play out, I was thankfully, not subject. Still, it was as uncomfortable as the edgy taste of pineapple on freshly washed teeth.

As a gaggle of young women in our early twenties, we gathered to watch our friend get married to her dream man. The bride, like us, was fresh out of Uni with the hottest degree in Nigerian circa 2021, Bachelors in Nursing. And the groom, a resident doctor.

Admist the dust of powdered faces and glossy lips, one of the bridesmaids went on and on about how the groom was too old for the bride,the organisation was poor, how the wedding didn’t look like American movies and just moaned endlessly about a local wedding being what it was, a local wedding.

Moaning Minny stepped out for a minute and one of her friends said, “she introduced someone to her family and the man disappointed her.”

Her litany began to make sense. Was it justifiable? No, never. But it was glaring that her unmet hopes had taken roots and became bitterness .

It reminds me of the story of a Fox and sour grapes in the childhood story collection, Aesop’s fables. Little fox was going past a vine. He saw presumably sweet grapes hanging high and desired it.

The fox who longed for grapes, beholds with pain
The tempting clusters were too high to gain;
Grieved in his heart he forced a careless smile,
And cried, ‘They’re sharp and hardly worth my while.

Aphra Benn’s quatrain on Aesop’s Fable The Fox & the Grape. (1687)

At first, he leapt for it and failed to reach it. Then, mustered leftover courage and tried again, yet failed to reach it. With all his wisdom and might, he made a last long jump and sadly, still could not get the fruit. What did little fox do? He concluded that the grapes were sour and walked away.

The intentional devaluing of a supposedly unattainable goal to repress the feelings of failure. Because if he truly believed the grapes were sour, why did he reach for it, not once, repeatedly!

Life comes with its turns and curves. I have had a fair share of those and with it, the temptation to be bitter. I will admit it is hard to watch everyone else thrive while you fail at the same thing.

It helps to realise there will always be disappointments, unmet hopes, failed expectations, and worse, the souvenir of woe-coloured glasses, pessimism.

Resilience demands that we do not let this moments shape and define our lives and livelihoods.

There’s a place for grieving the stabbing pain of losses and acknowledging your capacity has been stretched. There’s also a place for healing so thoroughly that you learn to hope again and more importantly, you banish resentment because it will deprive you of joy.

“Another dies in bitterness of soul, never having tasted of prosperity.”
‭‭Job‬ ‭21‬:‭25‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Let me tell you of a woman who was legendary for her bitterness, so much so, she renamed herself Mara- meaning, bitter waters.

Naomi, the great grandmother of our Lord Jesus.

Naomi’s story started out as that of a grieving widow who lost two sons. Being sorely bereaved is enough reason to bitter but hey, context matters. You see, she was originally from ancient Israel, a city not structured for women to survive and thrive independently. Her entire net-worth and social status was tied to the men in her life, the dead men. The bitterness was justifiable!

“…I went out full and I have come back empty.” Ruth 1:21 ESV

Naomi’s story does not end in emptiness and woes. She went back to Israel (the homeland of Jews) and returned to the God of her people; and in so doing, found joy and life and hope again.

“and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭5‬:‭5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Naomi would eventually live out the meaning of her name, pleasantness through a string of events that could only have been orchestrated by God to turn things around.

Am I implying the solution for bitterness is God? Yes.

What of those already in Christ and still bitter? The solution is more of God. God as not only Saviour but Helper and Healer and Friend.

Because, He sees the pain, He knows the hurts and He can heal the sores.

Thank you for reading.

Tutu Mkpong.

Yours, with a new song

Edima